On Friendship
Friendships are curious things. They are extremely important to our lives in every way, and yet people don't seem to think about them very much. They often do not seem to end regardless of circumstance, yet they always require a certain level of maintenance and devotion. To be truly healthy, they require honesty, respect, and humor, yet often they seem to get along just fine without any of these things.
I was thinking recently about a friend of mine with whom I have an interesting relationship. I had not really thought about it in this context before, but a couple of days ago it hit me: In three years of friendship (three YEARS), he has not once requested my company as a friend. Not one call to come over and play some video games. Not one invitation to play frisbee on the quad. Not even simple dinner plans at his initiation. Nothing.
If this sounds odd to you, or even a little pathetic, let me assure you that it does to me as well. The only reason that this has gone on for so long in the first place is because it is so unusual that it hadn't even occurred to me to consider it. But, now that I have realized it, the question remains as to what to do about it.
What do you do when a friendship becomes unhealthy? Do you plug more of your time and energy into it in an effort to resuscitate it? How much do you work at it before you give up? How much pull can you put in before you hit that brick wall where you need him to push and help you from his end? Can you ever give up in good conscience?
I suffer, as it happens, from crippling sentimentality. It pains me to look at someone that I enjoy and value as a friend and admit that the ideals that I hold for that friendship may be a lost cause. It pains me even more to stop fighting for that cause, lost though it may be. But it must be done. Ballast must be cut, dead weight removed. We each have a very limited amount of time and energy, and it must be devoted to receptive outlets. Those people who means less to you must fade away so that you might strengthen what you have with those who are most important.
A very wise friend of mine, who's opinions I generally respect greatly, told me recently that it was good policy to take a half hour at the end of the day and sit in silence, gathering one's thoughts and taking stock of life. I believe that this concept is a valuable one and a very good idea. Often, there will come times in which you must sit back and look at those you love and decide what your best bet is for someone who is willing and able to love you back. You must ask yourself a very difficult question and find a way to answer it in very real terms.
Where do your loyalties lie?
I was thinking recently about a friend of mine with whom I have an interesting relationship. I had not really thought about it in this context before, but a couple of days ago it hit me: In three years of friendship (three YEARS), he has not once requested my company as a friend. Not one call to come over and play some video games. Not one invitation to play frisbee on the quad. Not even simple dinner plans at his initiation. Nothing.
If this sounds odd to you, or even a little pathetic, let me assure you that it does to me as well. The only reason that this has gone on for so long in the first place is because it is so unusual that it hadn't even occurred to me to consider it. But, now that I have realized it, the question remains as to what to do about it.
What do you do when a friendship becomes unhealthy? Do you plug more of your time and energy into it in an effort to resuscitate it? How much do you work at it before you give up? How much pull can you put in before you hit that brick wall where you need him to push and help you from his end? Can you ever give up in good conscience?
I suffer, as it happens, from crippling sentimentality. It pains me to look at someone that I enjoy and value as a friend and admit that the ideals that I hold for that friendship may be a lost cause. It pains me even more to stop fighting for that cause, lost though it may be. But it must be done. Ballast must be cut, dead weight removed. We each have a very limited amount of time and energy, and it must be devoted to receptive outlets. Those people who means less to you must fade away so that you might strengthen what you have with those who are most important.
A very wise friend of mine, who's opinions I generally respect greatly, told me recently that it was good policy to take a half hour at the end of the day and sit in silence, gathering one's thoughts and taking stock of life. I believe that this concept is a valuable one and a very good idea. Often, there will come times in which you must sit back and look at those you love and decide what your best bet is for someone who is willing and able to love you back. You must ask yourself a very difficult question and find a way to answer it in very real terms.
Where do your loyalties lie?
posted by Will Jones at 11:46 PM
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