On License

What do you not allow yourself to do?

I have recently become twenty-one (in the words of the great Larry Miller, one does not "turn" twenty-one in our society... they "become" twenty-one). Among other things, this means that I can now legally imbibe alcohol, something which I have been doing for some time now without legal permission, but which I now have an increased amount of freedom in. As such, I feel that now is a good time to air a concern which has been growing with me for some time. It has to do with license. I do not mean anything legal in this use of the word. Rather, I am retreating back to one of its more basic, yet often overlooked definitions.

License: noun: Latitude of action, especially in behavior or speech.

The specific spectrum of contexts and behaviors that I now wish to address are not regulated by the government so much as they are regulated by each person for themselves. As most of my concerns seem to run, this has particular weight for girls, but certain males would do well to heed the issue as well. The specific issue of license is at the junction of passion and alcohol.

Those of you who have known me for a long time will remember the days in the not so distant past when I did not drink at all. When questioned about my abstinance from spirits, I would cite the fact that I did not need them to have a good time. It seemed to me that people drink to do things like loosen up and lower their inhibitions. Well, I naturally have very few inhibitions and more often than not I am so laidback in attitude that it sometimes gets me in trouble. Therefore, I had (quite correctly) judged that alcohol was unnecessary for me to interact with people in the same sort of party atmosphere that accompanies heavy drinking for most people. I maintain that spirit to this day, drinking more from the cultural significance of the actual drinking than for any effect that it has on my attitude or behavior.

Because of the comparitively late start of my drinking career and my naturally gregarious state, I quickly saw the need for a code of behavior to regulate my drinking for the benefit of all. The rules that I came up with for myself are few and universally simple, but I have adhered to them to this day, which is not small point of pride.

1) I will never do anything in a drunken state that I would not have done in the same situation were I sober.
2) I will never drink in such a way that I unduly endanger myself or others (e.g. driving under the influence).
3) I will never drink so much or in such a way that I lose my memory of what occured while I was drunk.

The first rule may surprise some people given my admittedly bawdy behavior while drunk. To them I would say, "Remember how bawdy I am sober." There is truly no difference.

I arrived at these rules for the simple fact that, through them, I remain safe and regret-free while still enjoying all of the pleasures of an inebriated state. I never have to worry about what I would do while drunk, because I have sworn to myself that I would retain enough self-control to act exactly as I would sans liquor. Most importantly, the person that one sees in me with alcohol in my system is the exact same person that I am at any other time, if perhaps a bit moreso.

I seem to be almost completely alone in this.

A few months ago, a friend of mine committed an act that I could only classify as a betrayal. It came as quite a shock to me, since never before had a friend performed treachery against me. Left reeling in the wake of such a thing, I did the only thing that I knew to do: I talked to him about it. His only defense of his actions, which he fell back on time and again, was that at the time, he was drunk. Upon sobering up the next day and realizing it, he had attempted to make amends as best he could (despite the fact that much of the damage was irreperable). I accepted this out of the spirit of goodwill and we continue to be friends. With one small change: when that friend is drunk, he ceases to be my friend and becomes a stranger. This is not malicious, but simple fact. If he, or anyone else, for that matter, wishes to excuse an action because of drunkenness, they are effectively saying that, while drunk, they are not themselves. They are instead completely out of their head, doing things that the real them would never do. So, if they ceased to be themselves when drinking, every aspect of themselves must follow suit, including their familiarity with me. They wish to be excused from a standpoint of a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde transformation, which is satsifactory so long as they realize that one cannot execute the lechery of Hyde while maintaining the civility of Jekyll. At any given moment, it must be completely one or the other.

With increasing regularity and increasing frustration, I hear people constantly cite a state of inebriation or lack thereof as a reason for behaving a certain way. This is nothing short of confusing at best and madness at worst.

The other day I was talking with a friend of mine about her exploits of the past week. She was describing how she had gone to a party but refrained from drinking (if memory serves, she was the designated driver for her group). At the party she met a young man who she found very attractive and they hit it off, talking for some time and enjoying each others' company. Both were single, young, mutually attracted, and in the perfect situation for at least mild sexual contact. Naturally, my next question was whether or not they hooked up (or perhaps I used the more specific term "made out"). In response, she looked at me like an idiot and replied, "Oh, no. I wasn't drunk."

Let's recap here.

Hot girl, hot guy, party, want each other, not hooking up. Why? Because she was not drunk. She would not kiss a man she was attracted to because she was not drunk. This is right below ethnic clensing for horrors that really get my blood pumping. So much so that I'm going to say it again, just so everyone can really get a grip on what I'm mad about.

People are so uncomfortable with themselves that they cannot even respond sexually to people they genuinely want just because they have not been drinking.

I'm really losing my hope for humanity right about now.

What is so horrible about acting on feelings for someone that an induced state of consciousness is needed to do it? This is not someone else's life. This is not someone else's body. This is not some stupid drunk shit that doesn't count or doesn't matter because it's not really you making the decision. This is not a booze-worshipping theocracy in which all decisions must be made under the influence on pain of execution as a heretic. This is your life. This is someone you want, this is something you want to do. What is so special about a chemical in your bloodstream that makes you refuse to let yourself have fun without it?

If you're willing to go somewhere and make out with someone drunk, then why not sober? Why are you fine with sweaty closet time just so long as you can't walk a straight line? Why would you be so enthused to rock the headboard all night long, but as soon as the booze works its way out of your system, think it was a mistake? This is your mind, your heart, not someone else's. All this shows is a bizarre lack of self-trust and self-control. If you do not have those things to begin with, maybe you shouldn't be drinking in the first place.

There are two angles to consider here. One is doing things you don't want to while drunk. The other is not doing things you do want to while sober. There has to be an equilibrium here. There has to be enough self-control to go for the things you want and shy from the things you don't, in any state of consciousness. You made the decision to drink, and you made the decision not to. That was decisive, and you made the choice either way of your own free will. Can't that sort of clarity be maintained given any circumstances?

If it can't, then God help us all.

If it can, then get ready to party.