On Communication
How do you know what to say?
One of the virtues that I prize most about myself is open communication. It is, more often than not, the characteristic that most sets me apart from the rest of humanity, for good or ill. It helps me out in the various predicaments that my life meanders into and it gets me into trouble with frightening regularity. But beyond the results, beyond the madness, the method is always the same.
The simple formula goes as thus: If you are thinking something, say it. Simple. If you are asked a question, answer it openly and truthfully. Openly. There are a few sentiments, of course, embodied through language that fly directly in the face of this ideal. Among the most flagrant are "Never mind," "Don't worry about it," and "I wasn't thinking about anything."
I have a hard time understanding how people operate when they allow themselves and others the usage of these, the most blatant tools of self-censorship. How do you know when to say something and when to not? Who is worthy of knowing what about you in what circumstances? Call me a simpleton if you wish, or perhaps just idealistic, but it seems much easier to just operate under one standard: say it.
It does no one any good to hide the truth from those around them. It is dishonorable at best and destructive at worst. Yes, it is true that there are certain circumstances under which keeping certain facts to oneself is the pragmatic decision. There are things about you that some people just do not want to know. Bear in mind that I am not talking about lying here. This is not outright deception. It comes more along the lines of pleading the 5th Amendment in court, keeping silent for fear of self-incrimination. Sometimes, by all evidence, this is the path to take, and it seems that there is little fault in it.
Wrong. Wrong.
This is not the resolve of honorable men and women. This is skulking in the shadows, whispering despair, pocketing a pair of loaded dice. This is not just or upstanding.
If there is something wrong, let it be known just as you would the right. If there is something unseen, uncover it. This is the true measure of your righteousness of deed and thought; to expose that which is pertinent, be it good or ill, and then face what you must even in its wake. Be open.
So many times I have been in a situation where a friend dismissed a thought with the "never mind" approach, only to insist upon being pressed that the thought was 'not important.' But how is one to know? What is important? When one gets right down to it, it was not 'important' that I be hanging out with that person in the first place. But it was enjoyable to do so. I daresay the interaction is enriching, but it remains so only so long as the interaction is free and unhindered. Speak your mind. Follow the conversation's natural track and see what comes of it. So what if the result is 'unimportant?' That is what comes naturally, and an unimportant or ugly result, arrived at without artifice, is far more valuable to me than a glorious end surreptitiously obtained.
Between conversing persons, the important thoughts are those that are arrived at through the conversation. That is the point of the whole thing. Attempting to control communication from one perspective through withheld information defeats any attempt at synthesis and makes interaction on any meaningful scale impossible. Let trivia be heard and damaging discourse voiced along with the seemingly important and the positive. It is through all of ourselves that we may milk the best out of our lives, not through the sunny sides only. You can't be afraid to share of yourself what is dark and spooky.
You never know. That could just be what they want to see.
One of the virtues that I prize most about myself is open communication. It is, more often than not, the characteristic that most sets me apart from the rest of humanity, for good or ill. It helps me out in the various predicaments that my life meanders into and it gets me into trouble with frightening regularity. But beyond the results, beyond the madness, the method is always the same.
The simple formula goes as thus: If you are thinking something, say it. Simple. If you are asked a question, answer it openly and truthfully. Openly. There are a few sentiments, of course, embodied through language that fly directly in the face of this ideal. Among the most flagrant are "Never mind," "Don't worry about it," and "I wasn't thinking about anything."
I have a hard time understanding how people operate when they allow themselves and others the usage of these, the most blatant tools of self-censorship. How do you know when to say something and when to not? Who is worthy of knowing what about you in what circumstances? Call me a simpleton if you wish, or perhaps just idealistic, but it seems much easier to just operate under one standard: say it.
It does no one any good to hide the truth from those around them. It is dishonorable at best and destructive at worst. Yes, it is true that there are certain circumstances under which keeping certain facts to oneself is the pragmatic decision. There are things about you that some people just do not want to know. Bear in mind that I am not talking about lying here. This is not outright deception. It comes more along the lines of pleading the 5th Amendment in court, keeping silent for fear of self-incrimination. Sometimes, by all evidence, this is the path to take, and it seems that there is little fault in it.
Wrong. Wrong.
This is not the resolve of honorable men and women. This is skulking in the shadows, whispering despair, pocketing a pair of loaded dice. This is not just or upstanding.
If there is something wrong, let it be known just as you would the right. If there is something unseen, uncover it. This is the true measure of your righteousness of deed and thought; to expose that which is pertinent, be it good or ill, and then face what you must even in its wake. Be open.
So many times I have been in a situation where a friend dismissed a thought with the "never mind" approach, only to insist upon being pressed that the thought was 'not important.' But how is one to know? What is important? When one gets right down to it, it was not 'important' that I be hanging out with that person in the first place. But it was enjoyable to do so. I daresay the interaction is enriching, but it remains so only so long as the interaction is free and unhindered. Speak your mind. Follow the conversation's natural track and see what comes of it. So what if the result is 'unimportant?' That is what comes naturally, and an unimportant or ugly result, arrived at without artifice, is far more valuable to me than a glorious end surreptitiously obtained.
Between conversing persons, the important thoughts are those that are arrived at through the conversation. That is the point of the whole thing. Attempting to control communication from one perspective through withheld information defeats any attempt at synthesis and makes interaction on any meaningful scale impossible. Let trivia be heard and damaging discourse voiced along with the seemingly important and the positive. It is through all of ourselves that we may milk the best out of our lives, not through the sunny sides only. You can't be afraid to share of yourself what is dark and spooky.
You never know. That could just be what they want to see.
posted by Will Jones at 2:49 PM
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